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Jamaica Weather & Climate – A Humorous Outlook

Hot-weather-thermometerI hope you weren’t looking for factual climatic information about Jamaica weather, with factual seasonal temperature guides. Here are my factual Jamaica temperature guides; June to August: Just don’t go. September to May is bearable and even comfortable. There are two or three nights in ten years that I’ve actually slept with pants on because the night chill of 21 celcius actually seems cold compared to the daytime temperatures.

First of all I didn’t know a body could shed so much water without deflating and falling to the ground. There are days when I just can’t go on and feel like lying down in the middle of the road protesting to the sun gods. People who live in cooler climates and hate winter generally pray for this type of weather until they’re plopped right into the middle of it and have no choice but to endure. Of course there are options such as air conditioning but in my opinion that just makes matters worse. It makes the “opening the oven door” sensation that much more appalling. But the good thing is we all have choices and I have sometimes chosen to leave free accommodations in exchange for paid air conditioning, where I lay on a bed under an air conditioner for an entire trip in the month of August until my flight left the island.

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Luckily that type of weather is as short lived as a Canadian summer, only in Jamaica it goes from a heat index of “hell” to a much milder temperature of “WTF?” for the rest of the year. When I’m at home sitting in front of a fireplace with socks and sweatpants on in June, I cry for island heat. But when I’m on the island I have considered flinging myself off random cliffs just so I don’t have to endure another heat-filled day.

I always carry a bandana in my handbag while in Jamaica. It has a dual purpose; one for wiping the waterfalls of sweat dripping down my face onto my neck and in between my boobs, and the other for tying it like a skullcap over my madwoman natural curls that are no match for the humidity. It never ceases to amaze me that the locals walking the streets have such a pretty matte finish on their skin compared to my slick, high gloss wet look. They don’t seem to sweat like I do and I wonder how that’s even possible. I’m actually quite embarrassed of how sweaty I get just standing still in the sun down there and I think it has much to do with the humidity because I don’t have hyperhidrosis. I have actually ducked into random stores that I know will have AC and made useless purchases just for ten minutes of refuge inside.

There you have it….a glimpse into my version of Jamaica weather.

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8 Comments

  1. DWL…OMG this is sooo true Kristi!!! I often think, why dont I sleep in the air conditioned room all day, and just go out at night, when the bars and music and action is fun, and that damn sun has gone down..but then I think, no cuz i dont want to miss a moment while Im there…sleep is overated and only when my body passes out is when i sleep there..the day time is a great time to DO ROAD!!! (in the air conditioned rental of course..LOL yes, the rag and my hand fan are always in my purse too!! and i never even notice if Im having a menopausal hot flash in Jamaica cuz Im always hot and sweaty..dwl great write up gyal..soo true!!

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  2. LOL at the menopause hot flash!!!!

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  3. I hear you on that! I didn’t think Jamaica was very hot at all initially. I would always go in April and the weather was pretty mild. My perspective changed when I went to Jamaica with my family in AUGUST. I nearly died the minute I stepped off the plane. The heat is thick and leaves a layer of sweat over your body almost immediately. We were staying at Catcha Falling Star in one of the cottages that DIDN’T have AC. I would lay in bed under the ceiling fan and not move. I learned to stick my head in the sink and let the water hit the back of my neck to cool down. lol – From now on, AC only in August. Not optional.

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  4. You NAILED it with “thick air” Daisy. I agree. I was there in August once too and wanted to kill myself. Yes I left FREE accommodation to go pay for air conditioning.

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  5. I spent a July there in a house with no air — I would take cold showers in the middle of the night — after 2 weeks or so I was fine — and yes I walked around with a washcloth in my bag — spritzed with perfume to mop sweat off of me – came home without a blemish on my face – best facial weather ever :-)

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  6. LOL I guess that’s one bonus of the heat and humidity – it’s great for the skin! I have great skin in Jamaica too.

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  7. ha! i just came back..it was surprisingly enough not AS BAD as I thought… slightly windy so I think that helped :) Also as you say, its def great for skin. Mine was glowing the entire time :) But not so great for hair … however a relief as I just tie it up to a bun and good to go.

    Anyway… Kristi, I also wanted to share a personal project Im working towards to. This has been my second trip to JA this year, where I spent some time in Trench Town working on a personal project. I had the chance to visit the Golden Age Home: a place that hosts elderly left with no family/friends to take care of them. I was profoundly impacted with what I saw, to say the least. I would like to help and have started a gofundme page, with the objective to raise money and help renew the home, polish it up a bit. The residents rooms can do with some new wall painting & beds. My page is here: http://www.gofundme.com/3l1134 and hoping that it can help build some awareness :)

    Thanks and keep this wonderful blog of yours going :)

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  8. I pretty much wear a bun at all times too. It’s just easiest!

    Your fundraising idea is awesome and I wish you good luck with it!

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