Jamaica Weather & Climate – A Humorous Outlook
I hope you weren’t looking for factual climatic information about Jamaica weather, with factual seasonal temperature guides. Here are my factual Jamaica temperature guides; June to August: Just don’t go. September to May is bearable and even comfortable. There are two or three nights in ten years that I’ve actually slept with pants on because the night chill of 21 celcius actually seems cold compared to the daytime temperatures.
First of all I didn’t know a body could shed so much water without deflating and falling to the ground. There are days when I just can’t go on and feel like lying down in the middle of the road protesting to the sun gods. People who live in cooler climates and hate winter generally pray for this type of weather until they’re plopped right into the middle of it and have no choice but to endure. Of course there are options such as air conditioning but in my opinion that just makes matters worse. It makes the “opening the oven door” sensation that much more appalling. But the good thing is we all have choices and I have sometimes chosen to leave free accommodations in exchange for paid air conditioning, where I lay on a bed under an air conditioner for an entire trip in the month of August until my flight left the island.
Luckily that type of weather is as short lived as a Canadian summer, only in Jamaica it goes from a heat index of “hell” to a much milder temperature of “WTF?” for the rest of the year. When I’m at home sitting in front of a fireplace with socks and sweatpants on in June, I cry for island heat. But when I’m on the island I have considered flinging myself off random cliffs just so I don’t have to endure another heat-filled day.
I always carry a bandana in my handbag while in Jamaica. It has a dual purpose; one for wiping the waterfalls of sweat dripping down my face onto my neck and in between my boobs, and the other for tying it like a skullcap over my madwoman natural curls that are no match for the humidity. It never ceases to amaze me that the locals walking the streets have such a pretty matte finish on their skin compared to my slick, high gloss wet look. They don’t seem to sweat like I do and I wonder how that’s even possible. I’m actually quite embarrassed of how sweaty I get just standing still in the sun down there and I think it has much to do with the humidity because I don’t have hyperhidrosis. I have actually ducked into random stores that I know will have AC and made useless purchases just for ten minutes of refuge inside.
There you have it….a glimpse into my version of Jamaica weather.